The end of 2012
Wow, it’s been quite a bit since I last posted. Seems like I always wait until almost the end of the year to reflect in the digital age/world.
Lots of changes. The first being that my wife is pregnant with a baby girl. She is due at the end of April. Second, we are 65% of the way done with purchasing our very first home in the bay area. Third, I am no longer with Intelligentsia Coffee. I am the principal green buyer for Sightglass Coffee in San Francisco.
I never thought I would be a full time green buyer, just as I never thought I would like spreadsheets. Alas, I am and I do.
So this is what it feels like to be a grown man. To have responsibilities and to take a hold of them and get shit done and do it for the right reasons and to do them well. There is no more fucking around and half-assing ANYTHING. Shit just got real and I am grateful to be in the position to commit and follow through with all of this. I am not afraid of these changes, in fact, I am excited about them.
Many times, I felt like the job defined me as a person. Many times I felt that the more hours I spent away from my personal life and in my job the more satisfied I would feel career wise. In fact, the opposite is true. Work does not define me, and time away from my family only takes my ability to do good work away from the core of it all. The purpose is to be kind, do good things and do them for the right reasons. My purpose is to respect elders, other human beings, other creatures. To be kind and compassionate and to laugh as much as possible and to put competition aside because at the end of the day we are all the same anyway. Connecting is more meaningful than constantly battling folks to prove you are the best, smartest, brightest, dopest, coolest.
I certainly do not give a shit, except for the quality of your heart. This is all that matters, and all that folks will remember anyway. If they remember anything about you at all.
I don’t mean to sound negative, or to depress you. These are my personal feelings, philosophies, outlooks on things. We get caught up in meaningless things (myself included) and we forget that time is flying by and by the end of it, how much good have you actually done?
Every year I reflect on this. How many folks have I been an ear to? have I helped? have I loved unselfishly? How many regrets this year?
I would say my only regret is having spent so much time “at work” (mostly in my own brain, but still, working). 2013 is about really living, and showing my little daughter that you only get one shot at being this person in this life time so why not take advantage and do/make beautiful things?
Happy New Year, and may you be on your way to making beautiful things in 2013.